PAUL EXPLAINS COLLEGE

Think of the /college market” as a big fish pond in your backyard. Your backyard is the world. No, your backyard is the universe and the fish are the colleges. And you are the hook. No, you are the pole connected to the hook. No, wait, the hook is ! No, no, you are the person holding the fishing pole. Yes, that is right. No, the pole is really your application and the hook is your essay. Or wouldn’t it make more sense if the bait were the essay? But then there’s the lure. No, the hook is your interview and the fish are other applicants swimming all around. Or maybe the flimsy, darting insects buzzing around the pond surface are the applicants. The fish are the state schools and the lily pads (there are lily pads) are the private universities–all soft and mossy, all green. Wait, what are the rocks? What are the damn rocks? The rocks are obstacles. They are roadblocks. Wait, but you can cross the pond by stepping on the rocks, going from rock to rock to rock. The rocks are very helpful. And the pond water is choppy ! Oh God no! Not choppy water! But wait, don’t worry, choppy water is fun, right? Waves! Splashing! Laughing! Waves and splashing and laughing! The raging rapids and whitewater rafting! But hold on. Stop right there. This is a pond, not some river in Colorado. Why is it choppy? Isn’t it the least bit unsettling that you are sitting on the shore of a pond with choppy water? Ponds shouldn't have choppy water, right? And why the hell are you fishing in a pond anyway? Do you really think you are going to catch something? I mean really, maybe you’ll catch some withered little carp (carp are west coast colleges) but you don’t want that, do you? That’s not a good healthful meal. What’s that you say? You wanted the fish as your pet? Oh, God, I am so so sorry! Now I’ve just made an ass of myself and probably traumatized you by suggesting that you devour your little friend. I am awful. Wait, back up, just hold on, it’s a college we’re talking about, not a fish. The fish is a college. And I don’t think I have to spell it out for you what this all means. Devour the fish.

Glad I could clear things up. Thank you.

- Paul Fileri